actually, I'm a sock model
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
Randomize
