Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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