I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Randomize
