All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
time to smoke my breakfast
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
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