I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
She came home, put on the news, left a 20 minute drunk message on her friends machine, then proceeded to play back the entire message laughing hysterically and then just passed out
Randomize
