nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
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