time to smoke my breakfast
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize