so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Randomize
