I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
Um, would you be up for dick jousting? Stefanie is willing to pay 40 bucks.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
Randomize
