who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
with your own penis?
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
