Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
Randomize
