I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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