Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
he offered me cocaine within 5 minutes of my arrival. yes of course i'm keeping him
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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