His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
