So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Randomize
