New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
should my penis look like a turkey
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I'm not winning any crowns in the Miss Emotionally Stable pageant either...
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
