I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
Randomize
