I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
