i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Randomize
