The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I didn't expect the hobit to have that much sexual tension.
Randomize
