i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
