he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
At what point did I decide it would be a good idea to fill my contact case with vodka
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
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