he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Randomize
