I think scott just propositioned me for sex
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
He's a Shit stain on my heart
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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