thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Randomize
