Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I'm at about main and main street
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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