We're like a lot better than the average bears
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize