If i could tip my vagina, i would.
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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