they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
