I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
You're a waste of cheezeits
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
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