i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Randomize
