I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
Randomize
