Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
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