awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I have to pee in a cup in the morning and they are going to say....you just peed a miller light. I'm going to hang my head in shame and say yes...yes I did.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
