i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
Last night I got drunk on margaritas at an Irish pub and came home with only one shoe. I have to get my shit together.
You really know how to show Monday who's boss.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Randomize
