And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
