sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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