And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
