1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
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