Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
