For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
