I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize