hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
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