dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I swear god or herbie drove my car home
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
My ATM looks so different sober.
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
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