It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
It's gay softball weekend. Lots of hot gay strangers to go home with.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
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