so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
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