I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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