Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
