The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize