It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
Randomize
