I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize
