Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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