Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Randomize
