Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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