I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
