She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
