I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize