My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
