I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Had a guy spin me around at the bar, kiss me then say "oh shit you're not who I thought you were" and then walk away.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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