I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
