brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
Randomize
