Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
Randomize
