He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
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