summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
my liver is dry heaving
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
