Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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