So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
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