Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Randomize
