Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Randomize
