i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
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