I met the friendliest cop last night
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Randomize
