I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
