Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
