She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
