My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
