Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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