Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
