why does my vagina smell like weed?
omg thats a great idea
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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