i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
