I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
