So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize
