Having a random hookup so left but love u
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
