I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
This is the high leading the old right now
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Randomize
