if i died would you start the facebook group?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
