If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
