its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize