good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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