okay pat passed out under dana's car
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
