you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
Finals week has gone away, doo dah doo dah, drink martinis naked day oh da doo dah day
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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