we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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