you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
But think about it. I could put her gold medal around my penis
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
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