I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize