the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
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