Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
: I need to find myself a plastic surgeon husband so i can get boobs.
but u need boobs to get one in the first place.
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
oh god was she eating orange peels again
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
