I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
how drunk are you?
Several
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
