You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
