That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
there is puke in my bra ... again
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
