Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
