12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
It's not that I even wanna fuck these guys anymore, just cuddle that's all. My conscience has never been so proud.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
