So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
