i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
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