Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
