the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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