even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
Randomize
