Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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