Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
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